”Bring balance to your Troubled Mind”

As you’re reading this, your Spirit has been calling you to actively take a stand. ”In all things, balance” ( The Witcher reference) and you’re called to bring balance to your troubled mind.

There are many different reasons for why we choose one thing and not the other. When those reasons are clear to us the choice is simple. When the reasons are subconscious it makes us distressed, we become anxious and worried that perhaps we don’t know what the right choice for us is. This is what I’ll be addressing in today’s post.

The troubled mind talks to us about the lack of clarity we are facing in our current situation. When the mind is ”troubled by something” what is really happening is that we are in resistance to seeing what our actual truth in this moment is. For example, I’m facing a situation where the guy I am dating is not the right person for me. My troubled mind is telling me that there are no”right guys” that we can’t possibly know the potential outcome, and that it’s better to be safe than sorry.

All valid reasons for why I’d like to not take responsibility for my own truth (i.e this is not the right partner for me) and instead avoid conflict. Why is this valid? Because this behaviour comes from a past trauma. It comes from all the times when I did not get to make a choice. If there was something I didn’t want to do and I told my parents that I didn’t want to do it, one out of two scenarios would occur. One, my reasons for why I didn’t want something (usually because it didn’t feel good) would be ridiculed and further on, ignored. Or two, they would say ”yes we understand” then either plan and execute the thing behind my back, or guilt-trip me into agreeing with them by bulldozing my own emotional guidance system.

This led me to connect the feeling ”this doesn’t feel good” with the consequence ” it doesn’t matter what I feel, I need to see the value in this situation”. When this repressed (unintegrated) trauma showed up in my life today, it came in the form of a man who I can’t say no to. Even if it doesn’t feel good to be with him. At least it doesn’t feel completely bad to be with him. Being without him, and getting no communication from him felt worse (yes, I’m aware of the huge red flag!), so that means I can stuff down the feelings of unease, right?

What decision is the right one to make? What consequences to suffer? What road to take? What Spirit is wanting me to write today is that is doesn’t really matter what decision you make, what matters is why you make it.

Do you wish to avoid looking at your past trauma and continue stuffing down the feeling of discomfort? Why are you choosing what you are choosing? That’s the questions! Even avoiding discomfort is a choice! I could have thought that in my situation the conflict is about breaking it off with the man or continuing to date him, when in reality the conflict is ”why do you choose to stuff down feelings of unease?” My answer to that is: if I stuff it down I won’t be perceived as the apparent bad-guy. I won’t have to call it off, I could just wait until he chooses to break my heart and I’d be able to present that situation to my friends as me getting my heart broken by this sweet and loving guy and that would be a good reason for me to hide and avoid men in the future so as to not have to deal with the un-safety I feel regarding my lack of ability to build relationships with men that truly care for me.

The hurt aspects within me want to convince the parts of me that wants real partnership with a man, that connections with men are unstable, boring, unsafe and ”not for us”. To ”prove a point”, this guy that I am currently dating would be the perfect candidate. Clearly, if I would to call it quits with this man, the aspects within me that are terrified of men wouldn’t get the aspects that want a relationship ”on board” with their point of view. If I would call it quits I would simply re-arrange my priorities and look for other qualities in the next man I would choose to date. That would not be in the best interest of the traumatised aspects of me who don’t want anything to do with men. To them, looking for other men is not good. That is not the belief they hold about men. The belief they hold is ”men are not trustworthy, they do not have your best interest at heart, they will use you as long as you enable their self-image”.

Through the law of attraction, we create what we believe. And we only ever create what we want in this desire based reality. Sometimes, though, the ”what we want” might not be as apparent as one would wish. Like in my example, what aspects of me truly want is a way to build safe relationships. Pair that with the belief about men and you get a split between aspects who want to find and build safe relationships and the traumatised aspects who have experiences less than loving men, who believe that no relationship is the safe relationship.

Why am I writing you all this? Because in order to actively make a balanced decision you have to take responsibility for the wellbeing and best interest of all your fragmented aspects! The feeling signature of a troubled mind and the lack of clarity is exactly what you want to experience! Because that is the doorway to actually asking the right questions so as to gain self-awareness. Only with self awareness will you access the power to create a life you are truly excited about!

This is called shadow work, and it is the practise of asking the right questions so as to allow your consciousness to present to you its inner truths. Your past beliefs, hurts and traumas that are now, through the law of attraction, creating a reality that you perceive as less than enjoyable. Through this awareness, with the help of various techniques, are you able to actually consider the best interest of all your parts and put them through healing so as to bring your energy-stream of consciousness (i.e your soul) into a state of wholeness. You want that state of wholeness because that means more of your focus is in reality (as opposed to fragmented and focused on your traumas) and in reality you’re able to choose to focus on what you want to create. What you focus on is what you believe, and what you believe is what is going to be manifested into your external experience. This is why you are the creator, this is why it starts from within. And this is why you were called today, to this post, to gain this information!

I am taking this a step further, I have recorded a pick-a-group reading that I’m linking below (at the end of this post), so as to provide you with even more insight about your current situation. If you’re new to pick-a-group/card readings, you basically tune in to the different piles/cards/ groups and pick the one you feel the most drawn to. Let this be a simple choice, don’t force it. Then you go in the description box of the video and click on the timestamp for your chosen pile/card/group. In todays reading you have three groups to choose from. The theme of todays reading is ” what this was set-up for you to experience” and the title is ”THIS WAS SET-UP FOR YOU SO THAT […] ”

In case this is your first time on Apprentice of Silence, I’d like to thank you for lending your focused energy towards reading this article. I specialise in channeling and InnerChild healing. I also enjoy Tarot, Crystal healing and Herbs. If you like what I do and would like to work with me, you’re welcome to book a reading with me or a session. During a reading we will do similar to the process you read about today, and if you’re interested in the trauma-resolution aspect (soul-retrieval) of the healing I’d recommend booking a Soul-Healing sessions as those take a little bit more time. In all honesty, most of the time, awareness is 90% of the solution, the rest is to consciously make a different choice/ choose to question your current beliefs. If you want my help, I’m here for you. Click (here) to get to my service page.

Light above Dark, Apprentice of Silence