Sometimes you have to choose yourself

Sometimes you have to choose yourself

and, oh, how it makes all the difference in the world.

In accordance with last day’s post, I’ve been inspired to write about the realisations I had upon posting. Last night, I was listening to music and dancing in my room, when I realised - this is who I want to be. I remembered a thriving me, a rebellious, confident, energetic me. I remembered all the reasons why I couldn’t settle. The thrill I feel from being me, the thrill I get from having hope about what my life will bring, and the gratitude for what is present. All of that had been lost to me for so long. So long that when I’ve asked myself ”what do I want?” I felt nothing.

But yesterday I felt something, I felt the version of who I could be. I felt what it would feel like to be her, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Now it is apparent to me that whatever is a vibrational match to who I truly want to be, is what I will choose. Be it a thought, an action or a decision. I want to dedicate my life to becoming her every single day. Even if the external world might not approve, a rekindled hope within me is certain that by the laws of this universe, If I believe it; it shall be.

The man I wrote about yesterday, had a date planned for us today. And I don’t want to go. Not because of some deep reason, not that I have to make him into a ”bad-guy”, for my actions to be justified, just because that is not her. When I’m with him my codependent side wins, and I choose to become whatever I feel will win his approval. But when I’m her, when I am the person I want to be, I am free. Sure, everybody wants to feel approved of and wanted. It matters to the person I am becoming as well. But the values have shifted, being chosen isn’t the most important thing anymore. To chose oneself is!

”I am choosing myself”, what does that mean? Today’s post is intended to inspire you to manifest the life you want to live through embodying the person you wish to be. It covers basic knowledge about the rules of this Universe as well as practical examples on how I apply certain techniques.

Yesterday I couldn’t come up with a solution for my situation. Perhaps I needed time to go through the different layers of healing. I wrote about the root traumas that had created the behaviour(codependency) and the beliefs that now manifested as the situation at hand [click here to read]. Shadow work (bringing the subconscious up to the conscious) is an important part of healing and creating your desired reality. Equally important is applying the changes and making different choices with your new self-awareness. New choices are a byproduct of choosing different thoughts. Choosing different thoughts comes from choosing different desire, or rather, becoming more clear about what you truly desire. Your desires are a reflection of your true values, what is really important to you. You know what is really you, based on how it makes you feel. For me, it feels like an internal flame. Not like the raging fires of anger, but instead like a slow and steady burning wax-candle in a church. This internal flame makes me feel alive, inspired, awake and motivated. It holds the meaning of who am I, and that’s the feeling you should aim to choose and prioritise above all else for this is the feeling signature of your true desires.

I am being told, by my spirit guides, this very moment that your True Self comes forward as a natural effect of you doing shadow work. Meaning when you have something unwanted, and it feels really bad to you, you start to look for the right questions to ask, ”What is this situation trying to show me?”, ”Where is my resistance to what is occurring?”, ”What am I feeling?” etc. and based on the answers that arise from your subconscious, what was hid in the shadows will be brought to the light (your conscious awareness). Doing shadow work sends yourself the message of ” I am important to me”, which naturally is a vibrational match to ” I trust myself”. The more you chose to prioritise yourself, the more you develop the capability of trusting yourself to act in your own best interest (interest that you become aware of through shadow work), the more your True Self has room to shine through. Basically you remember how to feel again, and you become more and more sensitive to what truly feels good (and why) so as to be able to choose thoughts that are in alignment with that feeling. By ”in alignment” what I mean is that when you think a specific thought, it feels good to you to think it, you feel that internal flame, and it resonates authenticity with you.

It feels like freedom, like a fresh breath of air, like openness, as apposed to anxiety, constriction and duty.

I have a vision of my True Self, the her that I wish to be. When I visualise her, I ask myself ”what would she do in this situation?”, in my case she would block the man’s number. To her this action means staying true to herself, to her rebellious strike, it means paying attention to danger when she sees it and learning from past mistakes. It’s about making an internal note that because she (or ”past me”) didn’t uphold authenticity and she wavered in her self-confidence, she agreed to the date in the first place. The rebel within doesn’t judge her ghosting as bad or wrong because to her she has no-one to answer to. But (preferably) she wouldn’t like to put herself, and others, in a situation like this again. The guilt here shows her that, due to lack of personal honesty, she presented herself as someone she is not, and it made it so that upholding integrity and personal truth would be impossible with this man she chose to go on a date with. Resulting in undesired consequences like ghosting or blocking a person. Learn from your mistakes and integrate the guilt so as to know more clearly what you truly desire in the future.

Now, she (who I aspire to become) has a different set of values than the ”me” that agreed to the date. For her it’s about inspiration and a thrill, she wants to learn something new and experience something that makes her ask questions. Safety for her is about not abandoning herself, it’s about choosing people, places and opportunities that feel good to her, while trusting that when the negatives are presented in life, she knows what to do with them.

The ”me” that chose to agree with the date was avoiding judgement, she wanted something that would look good and potentially be the answer to her problem without her having to stand up for herself. It was an act of giving away personal power. An exact reflection of previous childhood-situations that felt the same to her. She based her choices on fear and the desire to stay safe through hiding. Which is a coping that worked in the childhood-home. A coping that is of detriment to the wellbeing, and potentially even psychical safety, to where I am at in reality.

My inner truth is that this person is not safe for me to be with. Instead of hiding my pain and choosing to become whomever he wants me to be, so as to maybe staying safe, I will honour my truth and make the choice to not be around this man again. Safety for me today, looks like the ability to choose people, places and opportunities that feel good so as to develop an internal climate of ”I trust myself to act in my own best interest” which vibrate at the same frequency as ”I am safe”. Through the law of attraction, external circumstances will align so as to mirror the vibration one holds internally, meaning; through my choices I will become a vibrational match to people, places and opportunities that also are a vibrational match to ”I am safe”. That is how choosing yourself makes all the difference in the world, it actually changes the external reflection of your world.

In case this is your first time on Apprentice of Silence, I’d like to thank you for lending your focused energy towards reading this article. I specialise in channeling and InnerChild healing. I also enjoy Tarot, Crystal healing and Herbs. If you like what I do and would like to work with me, you’re welcome to book a reading with me or a session. During a reading we will do similar to the process you read about today, and if you’re interested in the trauma-resolution aspect (soul-retrieval) of the healing I’d recommend booking a Soul-Healing session as those take a little bit more time. In all honesty, most of the time, awareness is 90% of the solution, the rest is to consciously make a different choice/ choose to question your current beliefs. If you want my help, I’m here for you. Click (here) to get to my service page.

Light above Dark, Apprentice of Silence

#lawofattraction #manifestations #createyourreality #beliefsystems #healing